u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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