So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
