So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
