at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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