Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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