Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
