Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm having to shit out rocks
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
