Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need water and some morals
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
