I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
