Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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