he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize