both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am naked and annoyed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
