ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
