i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
