He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
