i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
