i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
