Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
