Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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