So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
