and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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