Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
tell me about the eggs
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