he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
