She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
