glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
