Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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