I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I smell stomach acid.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
