I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this boner is exhausting
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
