i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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