Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
