The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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