I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you had me at cake vodka
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?