I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome