Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
