Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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