just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
