Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
