Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
