hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need to align my fucking chakras
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
