...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
