Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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