Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
