I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize