i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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