and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
