Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
