Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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