he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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