glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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