I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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