i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the condom got lost in my hair
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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