I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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