you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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