She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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