no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
