How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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