There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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