You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
third nipple confirmed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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