Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My room smells like vodka and shame
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
