Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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