Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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