I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
