Soap is not a condiment
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
