There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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