Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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