I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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