Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
