What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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