I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
